In the United States, a church deciding not to host a wedding in its own sanctuary stands on very strong ground, and lawsuits against churches over that decision are rare and rarely successful. The exposure is not in what you believe; it is in how your building is used. If you rent the hall to the general public like a commercial venue, the picture changes. Put a written facility use policy in place that ties every wedding to your doctrine of marriage, and apply it to members and strangers alike.
What is actually happening
Somebody has raised the threat of a lawsuit, and the threat is already working before any paper has been filed. What it is fishing for is a quiet yes, or a policy exception, or a pastor who improvises an answer on the phone that can be quoted back later. It may also be fishing for a gap between what your website says about welcoming everybody and what your calendar shows about who has actually rented the room. The point is not usually to sue you. The point is to make you decide in a hurry, under fear, without your documents in front of you.
The lawsuit that has not been filed · Rule 9. The threat of legal action does more work than legal action ever would, because nobody has to prove anything to make you afraid. Leaders concede on a Tuesday afternoon over a case that would never have been brought. Name the worst case out loud, price it honestly, and the fear shrinks to its actual size.
What Scripture says
“The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.” Proverbs 29:25
What the book says · Chapter 17, The Mountain of Religion: Defending and Reclaiming Churches and Spiritual Organizations
“The primary defense against the hypocrisy indictment is precise definition, established before the attack arrives. Bylaws and statements of faith have to be explicit. Do not simply say you believe in justice. Define justice as the impartial application of God's moral law and explicitly reject the critical theory definition. Do not simply say you value inclusion. Define it as the welcoming of sinners to repentance rather than the affirmation of sin.”
From Rules for Radical Christians, quoted exactly.
What the law generally says
Federal constitutional protections in the United States generally give houses of worship wide latitude over worship, sacraments, clergy, and who may be married in their sanctuary. State public accommodation laws vary a great deal, and many of them contain express exemptions for religious organizations and religious ceremonies. Those exemptions are often read more narrowly when a congregation holds its building open to the general public as a rental venue, advertises it as an event space, charges non-members on a commercial basis, or runs the rentals through a separate entity. Consistency matters in many states: a church that applies its own stated policy unevenly is in a weaker position than one that applies it to everyone. The particulars turn on your state's law and on how your building is actually used, which is what Ask looks up.
The words to use
"Weddings in this building are acts of worship, and we solemnize only marriages between one man and one woman, in keeping with our written statement of faith. Would you put your request in writing so our board can respond to it properly?"
Your move
- Get it in writing. Ask the person making the request or the complaint to send it by email, including what they are asking for and what date. Do not answer it verbally that day.
- Pull your governing documents. Read your statement of faith, your bylaws, and any facility use policy you already have. Note exactly what they say about marriage and about who may use the building.
- Close the gap this week. If your documents are vague, or if the hall has been rented to the public for parties and receptions, bring a written facility use policy to your board that ties every wedding and every rental to the church's doctrine and its religious mission, and that is applied to members and non-members the same way.
- Stop advertising the building as a general event venue while the policy is being fixed, and route any further inquiries to one named person in leadership rather than to whoever answers the phone.
- Ask a religious liberty legal group about your state's public accommodation law and its religious exemption before you send any reply.
- Document the date, the name, the exact request, and every conversation about it. Memories get edited later; email does not.
- Ask for the complaint in writing before you respond to it. A demand that will not be written down usually will not be filed either.
- Do not carve out a one-time exception to keep the peace. One exception applied unevenly is the only thing that turns a doctrine into a policy you failed to follow.
Your situation, your state
This page is the general answer. Describe what is actually happening to you and Ask returns the answer for your situation and your state, with the law looked up and the exact words to use. Your first ask is free.
Ask about your situationNot legal advice. When it stops being a conversation, a lawyer licensed in your state is the next call.